* This post includes subject matter that discusses eating disorders and help for those who are suffering. Please use your discretion when reading.
My grandmother was anorexic. This wasn't something my family discussed while I was growing up. She loved to bake pies that she would never allow herself to eat. So every couple of weeks an under-cooked, slightly soggy apple pie would accompany her on her visits to see her grandchildren. Nobody wanted to eat the pie, which carried more than a sprinkling of self-loathing along with the cinnamon. But there was an intensity in Grandma's eyes, asking if you wanted a slice and the pressure was so great that no one dared refuse. So we choked it down and moved on. Later in the evening, she would pull us aside and give us a little pinch on our love handles, asking "How are we doing with our weight, dear?" OMG. This lady was out of line. While we joked about it as a family, the mixed messages were still confusing and I wish someone could have told me that it was OK to say no to her damn pie. More than that, I wish we would have talked about Grandma's anorexia. Side note: I still can't eat pie.
Moving on to college, I struggled with anorexia and over-exercising. Living away from home for the first time, I found myself plunked into a massive girls residential hall and sharing a triple dorm room with 2 strangers. Adding to that, outside of a few lovely friends, the university was incredibly competitive and unwelcoming. No one would share their notes from class with me if I missed, let alone make eye contact or smile as we all crossed paths across campus. It was just too much for me to handle. Looking back, I see that I had absorbed everyone's anxiety around me, which there was plenty of in a freshmen dorm! At that time I did not understand what was happening, only that I was barely surviving.
So I struggled with over-exerting and under-feeding myself up to the point when my loved ones intervened and took me to the doctor. A quick generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis, a prescription for Zoloft and an appointment with a nutritionist to "get my weight back up" later, I was back in my dorm room feeling even more full of panic and overwhelm. The root cause wasn't detected and therefore could not be truly addressed, just masked. It was less about how I looked and more about how I felt.
I wish someone could have told me I was normal: That I was an empath and that it is COMPLETELY normal for an empath to experience exactly what I was feeling in that environment. And to offer helpful advice for how to navigate the college (or any other challenging/overwhelming) phase of life.
Eating disorders are very common these days, with up to 80% of women and girls saying they would like to lose weight or are unhappy with their physical form. This staggering statistic is absolutely changeable. I wonder how this would change if we understood how to deal with feelings of overwhelm & anxiety better?
SUGGESTIONS IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING:
Meditation Learn to meditate. Seriously. It is essential to developing intuition and inner strength. You will find resilience within yourself that you didn't know was possible. It's powerful. Do it daily. Hit me up, I'll teach you!
Sleep Deep recharge happens while you sleep and it is best achieved when you have your own space, especially for empaths. Sleep alone if possible, or whenever possible. Sorry babe, but it's true!
Seek help Find a therapist who specializes in working with empaths and highly sensitive people.
SUGGESTIONS FOR PARENTS
Do you have a daughter? Do you feel the clock is ticking and it's only a matter of time until she begins to struggle with her body image? I marvel at the self-confidence I witness in my own daughter and long to preserve it as long as possible, infuriated that it is something that will likely erode over time. I want to break this pattern and believe it is possible to stop this cycle.
Here's my call to action for parents:
Be brave. Break cycles. Tell her it is OK to say no to grandma's pie. That it is OK to 'hurt' grandma's feelings. Empower your child with the permission to say NO and respect when they do say it.
Dieting Absolutely stop the diet-talk around your children. They internalize it, even if you don't think they are listening. Healing your personal relationship with food & body image will do WONDERS for your child's ability to bypass this abyss. You deserve to feel peaceful, too.
Cultural Narratives Call out the cultural narratives that being thin & beautiful should be our highest priority. Recently in a doctor's waiting room, my kids and I were flipping through a stack of popular magazines together. Finding myself getting irritated at the photoshopped faces and the yoyo messaging (How to Lose 10lbs Fast... next page- Recipe: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake Bombs....next page-Breaking Out? Cover Up with This Concealer.... Look 15 Years Younger blah blah blah you get the gist) I simply started saying what we were seeing. We talked about marketing campaigns, photoshop capabilities and truly healthy foods versus fake foods in the ads. My kids ate this up! Highly recommend you give it a whirl.
Encourage intuition. Help your child interpret why they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. (Perhaps you have an empath son or daughter!) Intuition isn't something we learn at school (yet), though all of us come into this world with it. Without encouragement and practice, intuition usually fades over time. But with support and positive reinforcement, it is an invaluable life skill!
Provide resources. Give them to tools and knowledge to help them along their life journey in an oftentimes overwhelming world. So many helpful tools exist for all ages. Pop over to Amazon and you'll be amazed!
For more resources, check out the Resources tab on the top of this page.
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