It was mid August and the night before our wedding. Our families were gathered at my favorite restaurant on the patio overlooking the creek. Both sides finally meeting one another, swapping stories and making new connections. The two parts of my life - my original family in the Midwest and my new family in the Old West - colliding together to celebrate us.
You & me.
Sleep was scarce for me that evening. My last night in my childhood bedroom in the trees. My heart so light and sparkling, kept pulling me out of my slumber. Dancing between realities, two distinct separate chapters of my book of life.
I rose early, if I had actually slept at all, and sat up to look out my window. The lake was quiet and still, the only light being the moonbeams shining down on the water, intermittent as they passed behind the clouds. Robe in hand, I crept downstairs as soundlessly as possible, for it was early and I wanted my parents to get as much rest as they could before the big day. Silent in the kitchen, I made myself a cup of coffee and slipped out the door, making my way down to the dock in the dark.
The wood was damp from the early morning dew as I sat on the end of the dock, cup of coffee warm in my hands. I gazed out into the dark trying to decipher where the water met the sky. There was magic in the air. Today was the day. Finally.
As the sky grew a little lighter, I strolled along the meandering forest paths and into the field, barefoot in my robe. My feet felt the soft moss, the cool wet grass and the sharp gravel of the driveway, all various shades of sepia in the wee small hours.
As I began my way back to the house, certain my family would be up and at it by then, I
longed for one more silent moment to drink in the feeling and the stillness.
The giant white tent was in the field, just standing there in anticipation of the day's events. I walked over and sat down on the dance floor to finish my coffee, lukewarm by then. A few long stretches with morning sunbeams in my hair. I drank in the solitude, knowing my whole life would be different from this day forward. The sun was up, the fog returning to the sky and I was ready.
That afternoon
You were weed whipping the grass by the lakeshore. It was 2:30pm and our ceremony was starting at 4pm. "I think you need to go get ready!" I lovingly shouted from my parents balcony. "Ok, Love!" You shouted back, covered in dirt and tiny pieces of grass.
Our house was buzzing with pre-wedding activity. Longtime friends were arranging flower bouquets in the kitchen. My Dad was out directing traffic and instructing the caterers where to set up and the wedding guests where to park. You were at the hotel with the groomsmen, getting ready and handing out their gifts: silver elk antler belt buckles. I gave beautiful turquoise earrings to our bridesmaids.
My Mom helped braid my hair in the bathroom, asking with slight urgency that my sister please bring her a Manhattan stat. Our sister in law was taking pictures, capturing each moment in the perfect light. My dress was on, my hair and veil impeccably placed. I headed down the stairs in my golden shoes. I remember the look on my Dad's face. He kept his sunglasses on the whole time but that didn't matter. His face emoted his deep love and happiness for us and even the sunglasses couldn't hide that. He wanted to escort me out to the field on the golf cart, but I asked to walk. I needed to feel the earth under my feet each step of the way.
Through the trees I could see all of our loved ones sitting in the carefully placed chairs in front of our wedding tree. My cousin Dan played his violin, the wedding party proceeded down the aisle, and then it was my turn.
Holding onto Papa's arm, we walked out from behind the tent. Everyone stood up and smiled at me. I felt radiant and enormously loved. While I smiled back at everyone, all I could see was you. Your cleanly shaven face lit up when our eyes met. Holding your black cowboy hat against your chest, your chin began to tremble and tears fell down your face. I felt held up by our families and friends, floating down the aisle of grass and flower petals towards you.
In traditional wedding fashion, I hugged and kissed my Dad and I believe he shook your hand. The sun was hot and the sky was blue. And there we stood holding hands in front of Aunt Anne, our wedding tree, and our loving audience. I thought I would feel nervous with so many eyes on us, but it didn't feel like that at all. There was the most loving energy flowing in from our dearest people. I felt buoyant in their gaze and celebrated in their joyful expressions. The energy from those who had been married for awhile was exceptionally robust, as if they held a secret we had yet to unlock. They had a deep comprehension of just how significant this day really was for us, knowing from experience that this union would be the most profound and transformative of our lives.
Our ceremony was perfect. Fairly fast, filled with joy and completely us. After you kissed the bride, we ran down the aisle towards the dance floor I had visited earlier that morning. The music played Would You Go With Me and we spun around laughing together for our spontaneous first dance.
Right around our 11th anniversary we attended your cousin's wedding in Idaho. We sat near the back and held hands. We gazed lovingly towards the beautiful couple, holding them up in love and support. And I am pretty sure we looked at them with that same certain understanding that comes with being married for awhile yourself.
We've learned a lot, you & me.
When I look at our wedding photo album now, I am struck by my expression in the pictures. The look on my face was unique for just that occasion and my smile says it all. Marrying you was easy and it was the best decision I have ever made. Thank you for asking me that chilly, breezy, spring evening sunset on top of the world.
I'd do it all over again if I could.
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