I’ve heard it said many times that healing isn’t linear and I’m coming to better understand the spiral nature of time.
Last week I had a spike of anxiety that woke me up at midnight. Against my better judgement, I got on my phone and started googling my symptoms. I dove face-first into fear and separation. A full fledged spin that had me diagnosing myself with all sorts of scary things. Two hours of my night vanished into anxious scrolling and the sleep that followed was choppy and unrewarding. My body felt electrified.
The next morning the taste of terror was still fresh and I held onto my husband for dear life as I explained what I thought was going on with me. He calmly said “you know it’s ok to be healthy, too, right?”
That stopped me in my tracks.
The old fear program that had grabbed my mind at midnight and flung it into the depths of the internet came to a screeching halt. After years of mysterious health struggles and disconnection from my body, I was absolutely convinced it was happening again. (It wasn’t.)
But I began to see just exactly how strong our programs can be. Sneaky little buggers that can just clamp back on. So familiar in their presence that the old pathway of fear felt like a nicely paved highway. Inviting and well worn, even if excruciatingly uncomfortable.
From my husband's wise words I could see that I was simply stuck in an expired pattern. Flying right down the road of a hijacked nervous system response. Fight or flight felt so familiar, but I have lived out of that state for long enough now that I know what it feels like to have both of my feet on the ground. To live embodied and connected.
And the contrast was stark.
Once identified, I unplugged my little antenna from the fear outlet and plugged it back into the love outlet. I turned on uplifting music, strapped on my new running shoes and trotted out the door to enjoy fresh air and morning light and to give myself a moment to review what had just happened.
Stepping back to look at the pieces of my story I came to realize this: a blip on the radar can simply mean a revisit to an obsolete reality with a swift return to the current one. An excellent opportunity to heal a deeper layer of our lives and a beautiful reminder of just what power our minds hold. We can choose our reality.
It was amazing to witness the profound distinction between these different states of being and how quickly I could change modes. Is this something you do, too? Perhaps this is a common occurrence for others. I would be fascinated to hear about it. What a gift it is to learn that we can choose which outlet to plug into and that it was surprisingly simple to do, once I understood what was happening.
I wonder if this is what people talk about when they reference 3D, 4D and 5D states of consciousness? Fear and separation being on the one side of the spectrum while love and connection are on the other. And here I am somewhere in the middle, learning so much with each vacillation that ensues.
Fly along in the experience of life. Zoom in close to remember what once was. Smile and nod at the previous version of yourself as your new wings carry you onward to the next extraordinary encounter there is to be had. There is freedom to be found in the spiral nature of time.
It’s ok to revisit but you don’t have to repeat it.
Remember.
Reevaluate.
Review, but don't relive.
The choice is yours.
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