I woke up just kind of off today
Slightly grumpy for no apparent reason
and a little far away
I made my way through the motions of the morning ritual
Oranges and bite size bell peppers into the lunch boxes
Two quick PB&Js zipped in baggies
One of which I somehow forgot on top of the dryer
My well-rested body felt heavy
as I climbed into the car
I didn't remember the importance of the date
But something in my bones sure did
Driving home from the bus stop
I realized the reason for my mood
My eyes immediately welled with tears
As your face shone sweetly in my mind
I thought that it might get easier
That the passage of time would buffer
the sharpness of the wound
It has been 11 years after all
And so much has transpired since the last time that I last saw you
My life, my family, my soul
All grown and flourished in beautiful ways
I know you would be proud
The Everly Brothers serendipitously played on the radio
and my eyes cried hot tears
I let myself feel it in its entirety
When I arrived back home
I pulled out my wedding photos
And took a look at our happy faces
It goes fast, they tell you
And they are right in so many ways
I even have a teenager now
He knows about your love of the outdoors
Your green tractor and the way the smell of Swisher Sweets tugs at my heart
He knows of your fondness of throwing big parties
The "Good Morning, Ladies" story
And how you ate the spider on the 4th of July
He has heard the tales, your memoir recited through me
There are certain ways I can always feel your presence
The garden is a sure-foot guarantee
So I opened the gate and sat down with the pumpkins
The smell of the earth and the squash helped me remember
I stayed for quite some time
Over the last few years I have worked on so many of my pieces
Remembering this
Forgiving that
Realizing just how hard we are all trying
To do our best
With all of our pieces
My heart has healed any once-harbored bitterness
And grieving today felt different
No more mysterious layers grappling for attention
Nothing left to snag my heart strings
Just one thing remains
I still miss you
#grief #love #theysaygriefisunexpressedlove #Imissyou #wildpeace #healyourlayers #lookup #lookin #letgo
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