This year has been one giant lesson for me in the art of surrendering. Releasing. Allowing.
There is a newfound freedom in a life with less controlling, less forcing, less striving.
So much more space for allowing. Letting life unfold and experiencing the exhilaration of riding the waves. While I am still putting energy into intentions, what is different is not anticipating the outcome. It is with subtle change that I have discovered a place of peace based on this observation:
That whatever happens next is the exact lesson I need to learn.
My husband and I are dream chasers. Since we met in 2005, we've been searching for something: A life where we belonged. A ranch where we could raise our children to be outgoing, kind, adventurous, well-rounded, respectful and hard-working humans. A place to climb mountains, ride horses & dirt bikes, raise animals, and plant things in the ground. We thought it took the form of a ranch. We've moved too many times to count trying to find this place.
OLD DREAM (It was so pretty though, wasn't it?)
A few months ago, after just one year of working there, the dream job we had been seeking for our whole marriage vanished. Included in this upheaval was the beautiful old red farmhouse that came with it, the gorgeous garden I was so lucky to explore, the acres of wilderness, walking paths and wild creatures. Apparently we were not the right fit for the job and the doors were simply closed. I am not sure if those in charge fully understood the depth to which this reached us, for we had spent so much of our lives pursuing this opportunity. It had been like a beacon for us. Pursuing it was what we did. We left feeling bewildered, humbled, directionless and so confused: our dream had rejected us. What was next?
It's been a complete overhaul on all levels. A true inventory of the soul. And I am so grateful.
This Super Bowl Sunday, my husband celebrated 1 year of sobriety. We would not have reached this milestone without having pursued the ranch life dream. And there is nothing quite like losing your dream job to truly test your commitment to a sober life. I am proud to say he is doing GREAT!
Our loving community instantly stepped up to support us in a multitude of ways. We had offers of new employment, help hauling boxes, meals being dropped off, and childcare invitations. We felt embraced, loved and knew we had found the place where we belonged.
We are buying our first house this week! It is in town and doesn't look ANYTHING like what I thought my dream house would look like. This feels fabulous to me! It has a small yard - just big enough for a garden, our bunny hutches and a storage shed (and here's hoping for my future hot tub). And as it turns out, ranch dream or not, my children have become those outgoing, kind, adventurous, well-rounded, respectful and hard-working humans that my husband and I set out to raise.
What does it mean when you have tried and tried and finally reached what you thought you wanted, only to learn it doesn't stop there? I think it means that you get to keep growing. The plateau of adulthood that I thought existed, doesn't. Learning to ride the waves, trust the process and surrender to the lessons is an art form I am grateful to be learning.
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