The Birth

I touched on the beautiful side of hardship in my post yesterday. I was in the car for the rest of the day and was flooded with ideas for expanding my list. There is plenty of beauty in the suffering, and I have experienced it first hand.

“The gift and the pain cannot be divided.” Yes, yes, yes.

HERE'S MY LIST

The veil is lifting. The one that separates me from the magic. The one that had kept me limited in my understanding and interpretation of life’s events. Throughout the years, I would get glimmers of the synchronicities. The bigger idea. God. The enormity of the energy that runs through all things. But then I would sink back into my smaller self, with safe (accepted) ideas and try to pretend to fit in. I felt like a phony. An actress trying to play a role I didn’t have the script to but had observed what it was I was supposed to be doing. I felt inauthentic. A shell of this new version.

I found my voice. The soft spoken quiet soul that holds a sweet presence and deep knowing is no longer keeping it to myself. Suffocating on my words, jaws clenched, lips sealed, afraid. The one who was scared of speaking. Of being different. Of being seen. I am stronger now and the words flow out like the cascade of a waterfall that was once held back by a dam of fear. I believe the world needs the quiet ones, the sensitive souls, the deep feelers. The world needs us now more than ever. So my words continue to pour out. My ideas ask to be heard and it surprises me daily. It brings me so much joy. My family has a new saying when they speak to me and I don’t hear them, my fingers clicking across the keys.

“Oh yes, Mom’s in the flowwwwww!”

Identity. Through these hardships, my old skin peeled off, revealing an iridescent creature. Beautiful, shapeshifting, enchanting and overflowing with love. My old identity blew away like the dragonfly’s. Maybe it burned up in the wildfires in my soul or those mirrored in the mountains. Either way, I am becoming free and beginning to grasp that I am powerful. My heart has broken open and I am ready. None of this would have happened without the unrelenting squeeze of the hardships. Did I mention that I love this new creature?

Deep deep deep friendships. Soulships. You were there then, you are here now. I just did not have the capacity to fully grasp what it was that we knew about one another, though I recognized it in your eyes. You see me. I see you. We are safe together. Some of you are far apart in distance but our fingertips touch when I close my eyes. Thank you for holding my hand. Endless love and inspiration flows between us and I am grateful that you exist.

I have learned how to ask for help and grown in my ability to receive it. Understanding that true strength is in vulnerability. That we are not supposed to do this alone. By design, we need one another. Look at the incredible host of skills and gifts each person carries! I am grateful beyond words for the helpers, healers, doctors and spiritual teachers in my life. Chiropractic care, acupuncture, massage, spiritual guidance, energy work, supplements and medications have all been part of the medicinal formula I so desperately needed.

Thank you.

Less fear. The human part of me gets terrified almost daily. Do you? I’m not sure it’s avoidable, given the current state of affairs worldwide. I swing back and forth, like a pendulum between fear and exhilaration. Something I could not understand without my own dark night of the soul. It HAS to get dark before it can get light. Things NEED to be unveiled in order to be healed. We have to see the underbelly so we can restore the wholeness. Anyone who is on earth right now is a strong soul. A warrior for love and freedom. I am in awe of the strength and resilience of those I have the honor of knowing. Your stories break my heart open. You are incredibly brave.

All of us are here for a reason and it’s going to get better.

There is a vision I keep inviting in. It is magnificent. It looks something like this:

I am walking through a field of tall grasses and wildflowers. The flowers are radiant and turn their faces to smile at me as I stroll past. I gently touch them with my hands to say hello. The sun is bright, the sky is alive and the air sparkles. I can hear animals grazing and playing in the trees. Children are laughing, running, rolling along the hills. The rivers and lakes are clear and water is abundant. Fear is gone. Freedom is real. Life is in balance and I am connected to it all. Humanity is peaceful. The energy flows between us and we see the love in one another’s faces. There is enough for everyone and we all belong.

We are a family of all living things.

I live in this vision.

Many times throughout the day I drop in to feel it.

Over and over again it continues to strengthen.

I know it is possible.

We are on our way here.

But first, the birth.

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