The Secret Ingredient

Hot diggity dog!

I am onto to something big!

You may have read my post on the earth that shaped me. The love story about my childhood home. I learned something profound since writing that and I'd like to share my discovery with you.

For quite some time, the trees and land had been asking to be grieved. The memories kept bubbling up around each corner, especially this year at Christmastime. But I had repeatedly squished the lid back down. "Did I really need to go there? Hadn't I already grieved enough? I don't want to cry, it's Christmas. And look at all of the things I have to be grateful for...."

So the trees took a different approach and began to haunt my dreams instead. Many mornings I woke up confused to where I was, having lived so vividly in that night's flashback.

Last week I had had enough. It was 4AM and my eyes were full of tears and I heard them ask me again to tell their story. This time I listened. In the dense quiet of a room full of sleeping loved ones I gathered up my glasses, tea and computer and silently slipped into the bathroom. (This is my office - tiny home living at it's finest!)

I shook as I typed it, heavy teardrops and quiet sobs. I didn't have to think about it, the words wrote themselves. Tissue after tissue I surrendered to the flow of the typing and the tears. I worked on it most of the day, finishing around 3PM. Then I pushed publish and headed out to pick up my kids.

My eyelids were puffy and my nose still a bit sniffly, but I felt so much lighter. My mom called me that evening with relief in her voice. I had expressed her feelings as well as mine and she was so grateful to read what I had written. It was healing for us both.

MY DISCOVERY

Most of my life I have been a pretty tightly sealed book. My sweet introverted little self has been clamped down. Clenched teeth. Going along with whatever it was. Quietly hiding in the background of my life. This has felt massively restrictive and inauthentic. Fear had been running the show. What would people think if they really knew the true me?

If you are exposed then you are vulnerable and that is terrifying, or so I thought.

Turns out being vulnerable is the best medicine there is.

After sharing my story, I feel PHYSICALLY better. Zero breathing constriction, less fatigue, no anxiety. Laughter permeates my being and I can't. stop. giggling. Nothing else has changed. The only difference being the telling of my life's great love story.

If you've been following my healing journey, you know that I have tried so many freaking things to help me get better. The profound relief I have found by simply sharing my hearts inner workings has been the best healing balm out there.

The heaviness of our emotions carries a physical weight.

It's made me wonder how much relief can be found through self-expression.

Draw it, paint it, sing it, dance it.

Maybe this is the secret ingredient in all artists work and something they have known about this whole time.

While I am just now learning this for my own life, it is miraculous to say the very least and I encourage you to share whatever is asking to be seen in your heart.

What needs attention?

What do you squish down?

What appears in your dreams?

And what would happen if you shared it?

The healing potential is limitless. We can do it together. I'll go first.